The Fundamentals

Danger Dan and Billy!!! met in a graveyard late at night

And they knew when they first spoke that neither was quite right

Billy!!! was a drummer, and Dan played lead guitar

And both believed that rock and roll was needing C.P.R.

"We need to start a garage band!" Danger Dan exclaimed

Billy!!! agreed completely, which just proved that he's insane

They stuck it out together, an unlikely pair it seems

One had monkeys in his attic, one a Nature Boy supreme

They spent years a-searching for the right men for this crew

To carry out these rock and roll feats of derring-do

Til one night at the crossroads, The Icon did appear

Running from his psycho ex with nothing but his gear

He played guitar and sang if you can really call it such

His ego was astounding, his talent not so much

Danger Dan approached him with Billy!!! at his side

He put out his hand and said "Let's take this nationwide!"

The Icon looked them over, and thought it a bit queer

That the drummer wore a pirate hat and his drumsticks smelled like beer

But The Icon spoke these words, and the world shall not forget it

"Okay you can count me in, though I'm sure I'll regret it"

The search was on for thunder, a man who played the bass

Many came and went but no one really rocked the place

Mad Bomber stepped into their view as the lightning flashed

Some 'Mentals were impressed by him, and some were merely trashed

He said "I'll play the bass for you, you'll feel me shake the floor

But you don't want to tick me off, I've blown shit up before"

They moved to Billy!!!'s living room, none could afford garages

Readying to tour the world's bars and Mason Lodges

Then Big Hoss appeared one night , blocking light in all the room

"I want to join a rockin’ band but I'll settle for you goons"

He brought style to the 'Mentals, his keyboards brought some class

And if he hadn't been so big he would have been out on his ass

For The 'Mentals weren't classy, and their aim was far from true

But Hoss was in the building, wasn't diddley they could do

They worked hard on rocking, rising at the crack of noon

They showed how to go from music buff to straight buffoon

The people celebrated them, in toast they raised their cups

“Those ‘Mentals kept on rockin’ right until the cops showed up!”

They rocked bars and barmitzvahs, festivals and halls

Some bands had more talent but no one had bigger balls

They played it loud and sloppy, they always walked the walk

They would have been much better off if they just didn’t talk

Then Billy!!! left the band and the faithful they did wail

The band said "Whatcha bitchin' 'bout? We're glad he's not in jail"

The search began for drummers to fill this massive gap

To find the man to keep them from becoming Spinal Tap

Danger Dan, he hugged a tree, The Icon looked askance

The Mad Bomber blew shit up and Big Hoss dropped his pants

They searched the whole world over, they looked cradle to grave

Then a little hairy dude wandered from a cave

He said "They call me Caveman, I sing and play the drums

And I don't have enough sense not to join up with you bums"

The band was back in business and the faithful did rejoice

They hijacked a friends garage and started making 'Mental noise

They lived the spirit of rock and roll and that cannot be bought

Please if you would be so kind, keep the ‘Mentals in your thoughts

For the Devil doesn’t want them, and they’ll never get to Heaven

Doomed to rock the Earth alone with their amps turned to 11.